


Cu-cum-ber

by missgardian



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Ed’s apartment, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Season 2, Vegetables, i was eating fruit and this happened, idk what this is sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 14:05:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17489414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missgardian/pseuds/missgardian
Summary: Turns out Ed and Oswald really like vegetables.





	Cu-cum-ber

**Author's Note:**

> It’s late and I’m tired and I was eating fruit when this popped into my head so I just had to get it out pls forgive me omg !

Being stuck inside someone’s apartment, twenty four seven, not allowed to leave under any circumstances in case someone might spot you and either turn you into the authorities or kill you is a lot more boring than you may think. 

Whenever Ed was out working while Oswald still healed, whenever he wasn’t calling him constantly with some silly little thing like a blocked toilet, he would play piano or listen to music and dance to himself waiting for him to come home. Or even attempt to cook, which was a strong emphasis on the word attempt, considering he’d nearly always burn the place down if he wasn’t supervised. 

When Ed would come home he’d bring back shopping with his favourite spicy mustard, he’d sit with him and listen to him tell more stories about his beloved mother whom he missed dearly, and he would let Oswald help him cook in the kitchen when dinner time came around, wearing his “Kiss The Chef” apron which for some bizarre reason had them both flustered but not complaining.

It was when they were preparing to make a small salad to go with their cheeseburgers that it happened. Oswald was goofing around and had already started drinking the wine they were supposed to have during dinner, already tipsy due to his small size, and claiming it helped him relax when his body hurt and Ed, bless his heart couldn’t refuse. He had picked up a giant cucumber and waved it around in front of Ed’s face slapping his cheeks with it.

“Hey, look at it! It’s a cucumber.” He laughed and leaned against the kitchen counter, “or should I say-“ 

He was roughly cut off by Ed who held up a hand and shook his head quickly, smirking and going back to his chopping of tomatoes. He already knew he was going to make an erotic joke about the vegetable, especially the word play on the word “cum”. 

“I think you’ve had way to much to drink. Why don’t you go sit down?” He pointed to the chairs and smiled, reaching out to grab his arm and lead him. 

“I think you haven’t had enough.” Oswald grinned and looked down at the cucumber again, eyes wide. “Hey, yknow what?” He asked excitedly.

“What Os?” Ed sighed, and put on a friendly smile. 

“I bet you I can swallow this whole thing in one go.” He smiled at Ed and held it up in front of himself. “I know I can do it.” He said determinedly.

Ed shook his head, eyes blown wide. “Are you crazy?! That thing is like 8 inches long. You’ll die.” 

“Always so dramatic, Edward.” He rolled his eyes and walked around the table so he couldn’t get to him and stop him, putting distance between them. “Now watch and learn.” He winked at the last part which had Ed swallowing a large lump.

Suddenly, Oswald took in the top of the vegetable and sucked before slowly pushing the rest in, looking at Ed from under his fluttering eyelids. Ed squirmed where he was standing, torn between wanting to walk over there and stop this madness before he hurts himself and the veggie is no longer of any use to their salad, and letting him continue this interesting display.

He took in a deep breath through his nose and dug his fingernails into the palms of his hands as Oswald suddenly made a noise similar to a moan, nearly all the way in. All he could do was watch for a few more moments as Oswald took deep breaths through his nose and finally the vegetable was fully in his mouth, just held on the end by his fingertips. He grinned as much as he could around it then slowly took it out, saliva dripping everywhere. Once it was out he walked over and put it in the sink and washed it, looking over to Ed who was watching his every move.

“See? How was that? Not bad, I presume.” He asked cockily, voice horse and raw, as if he’d been doing something else. “And that was my first time, too.” He grinned and stood in front of Ed smug. 

“You bastard.” Was all he could say before he leaned in and kissed him hard and deep, burying his fingers in his hair and pulling, Oswald’s hands grabbing onto his back to hold on for his life. When they pulled apart Oswald’s lips were even more swollen and red than before and covered in even more spit. 

“I don’t suppose you’re going to use that cucumber now, are you?” He asked with a raised eyebrow looking over at it in the sink and snorted.

“Nah, I’m hungry for something else.” Ed grinned and went back to kissing him.


End file.
